INHIBITION
i am always carrying / a bag for life
filled with weeds, expected recipes
the bludgeoned berries
of someone else’s feelings
yes, i carry messages / from your eyes
to this pigeon-toed heart of mine
but at night words split us open
and we lick up the cut
talk carries / a wreath of lilies
but i fear what lifts in the light
like a sparkling dew or a bruise
struck green in healing
the weeds are creeping quicker
now, can’t you feel them?
FOCAL POINT ARRHYTHMIC
when you are bad you say bad bad and i swoop in riding rings
of denial no not bad bad good bad good bad doing the best
it can good bad dragged to doom sinking to the sofa in the living
room heart beating to a count of three b a d b a d b a d
good bad unaware as i dart downstairs good bad climbing behind
clenched eyes searching for self-pity’s peak so far so high and far
when you next croak bad bad from a spent throat it seems too faint
to mean anything even when i know the tone of your crawling
speech good bad still beating b a d b a d b a d and shrinking
to screech bad bad hoping to reach ears all blocked
with sand you keep me good to set you bad
but everything is blanket grey yes you’ve been bad again so let
my goodness flit in so healing so ready to tuck you in so ready
to pin you to your actions hammer hands caressing bad bad
bad bad i smile and swing smile and swing and say no not bad
bad good bad good bad doing the best it can blanket gripped
to chin beating beaten by sleep so silent and still and good
HORSE GIRL
I want to revisit Virginia Woolf.
I’m pulling weeds in the garden (you are
what you eat), thinking of the time Miss Cole
gave us the answers to a Jubilee
Weakest Link class contest to learn, rather
than stacks of factsheets. My memory whetted
as I read and re-read regal stats to
parrot back in the multi-class contest.
Jack was my partner (as useful as an
appendix). I hate ragwort, but I love
Woolf. (Horses mistakenly munch weeds to
death.) I hate the grip of dirt under nails.
No one suspected I’d cheated. Many
eager and snivelling years preceded me.
