An extract from Louise Pesery’s MA dissertation, Virgin, a TV comedy series.
INT. JULIA’S HOME – JULIA’S BATHROOM – DAY
EMMA
It’s what?
Julia is sitting on the edge of the bathtub. She is only wearing her underwears. Emma is facing her, confused.
JULIA
It’s stuck.
EMMA
Stuck?
JULIA
It won’t come out.
EMMA
And what am I supposed to do?
JULIA
Help me to take it out.
EMMA
Wait… You made me skip my date with Emilio, to help you to take out your tampon?
JULIA
It’s stuck!
EMMA
How can it be stuck?
JULIA
I don’t know! Don’t you think it’s already embarrassing enough? I don’t even remember putting it in.
EMMA
You don’t remember putting it in?
JULIA
No! I must have changed it at the party and then forgot about it!
EMMA
How long has it been up there?
JULIA
Probably more than twelve hours by now.
EMMA
Oh my gosh!
JULIA
Will you help me?
Emma’s expression is a mix of disgust and fear.
EMMA
You know you can lose a leg like that, right?
JULIA
Oh, this is brilliant Emma, thank you! Exactly what I needed to hear!
EMMA
No, but it’s true! I swear! I’ve seen this interview of a girl, she kept her tampon too long inside and… shit… wait… it was called… hum… the toxic shock syndrome? And she had symptoms like the flu, you know sweating, vomiting, fever etc. But when she arrived at the hospital, it was already spreading so they had to amputate her leg.
Julia is now deathly pale and has difficulty swallowing.
EMMA
Fuck, sorry I didn’t mean to scare you… shit… I… What do you want me to do?
JULIA
I don’t know, help me find it? I can’t find the stupid string.
EMMA
How do you know you’ve got a tampon then?
JULIA
Because I can feel it!
EMMA
Alright!
JULIA
So?
EMMA
So, what?
JULIA
Will you help me for fuck’s sake?
EMMA
What do you want me to do? Like… I’m not going to finger you to… find your tampon.
Julia looks at Emma giving her the look that says “yes, you damn will”.
EMMA
No way! No fucking way! I am not doing that! There’s no way.
JULIA
Come on, I can’t stay like this!
EMMA
Why don’t you do it?
Julia shows her fake nails to Emma.
JULIA
I can’t, I’ve just done my nails.
EMMA
Just break them, you can redo them later.
JULIA
Are you mad? They cost me 50€ I’m not going to break them.
EMMA
Argh! I can’t believe you are making me do this.
JULIA
Yeah, I know it’s like we are crossing a sort of a threshold in our friendship… Come on then.
Julia takes off her underwear. Emma is slightly embarrassed.
JULIA
Wash your hands.
EMMA
What?
JULIA
Wash your hands! If I’m about to lose my leg, I would still like to avoid catching an infection because of your dirty fingers!
Emma rolls her eyes and washes her hands. She tries to summon up some courage.
Julia puts one foot on the edge of the bathtub and spreads her legs. Emma takes a deep breath.
EMMA
Alright, I’m going in…
Julia winces. Emma is concentrating hard.
EMMA
Relax…
JULIA
I’m relaxed!
EMMA
No, you’re not! I can feel it! Just relax your vagina!
JULIA
Okay!
Emma’s face brightens.
EMMA
Here it is!
JULIA
Take it out!
EMMA
I’m trying!
JULIA
Take it out!
EMMA
That’s what I’m doing!
JULIA
You’re hurting me!
EMMA
Then stop moving!
JULIA
Then stop hurting me!
Emma pauses, fingers inside her best friend. Julia looks down at Emma.
JULIA
What are you doing? Why did you stop?
EMMA
I need you to calm down.
JULIA
Are you fucking serious right now?
EMMA
I can literally feel how tense you are.
JULIA
Well of course I’m tense! It’s not like I’m excited about this bonding time.
EMMA
Come on. Breathe with me. Breathe in… Breathe out… Breathe in… Breathe out…
Julia follows Emma’s breathing exercise and starts to relax.
EMMA
Okay, I’ve got it. I’m going to take it out, alright? Take a deep breath. On 3? 1… 2…3!
Emma finally takes the tampon out. They both sigh in relief. The two girls look at the tampon very closely – it’s a large one, soaked in blood.
They burst out laughing uncontrollably. It’s messy. The girls are crying and laughing.
TITLE: VIRGIN
INT. DOCTOR’S OFFICE – DAY
Emma is lying down on the patient examination table, the DOCTOR (40s) is taking her blood pressure.
DOCTOR
All good, you can put your t-shirt back on.
The doctor returns to her desk and takes some notes. Emma puts on her t-shirt and sits in front of the desk.
DOCTOR
According to your latest blood test, it seems that you have high cholesterol.
EMMA
So that’s why I fainted?
DOCTOR
No, cholesterol didn’t cause your blackout.
EMMA
Why did I faint then?
The doctor leans forward and clasps her hands together and places them on the desk.
DOCTOR
How have you been lately?
EMMA
Okay, I guess.
DOCTOR
Any stress?
EMMA
Not more than usual I think.
DOCTOR
Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about the fainting.
Emma nods but she’s still stressed.
DOCTOR
Now about your cholesterol… It’s possible that your pill is influencing your cholesterol. See there are two types of cholesterol, the “good” one and the “bad” one. What we don’t want is for you to replace all your good cholesterol with the bad one. Because if the bad cholesterol gets predominant it could cause a build-up in your arteries and that can reduce or block the flow of blood to your heart. Do you understand?
EMMA
Am I dying?
DOCTOR
No Emma, you are not dying. You just need to change your pill or to choose a new birth control method.
EMMA
Oh okay, well can I have another pill, then?
DOCTOR
Have you ever seen a gynaecologist?
EMMA
No cause I’ve never…
DOCTOR
Had sex?
EMMA
Yeah…
DOCTOR
I understand but… I think now might be the right time for you to see one.
Emma tries to smile even though she is very reluctant at the idea.
INT. EMMA’S HOME – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
Emma throws the dice in the dice plate. She is playing Yams with Marion. She keeps two dice on the side and throws the others again.
MARION
Have you received your blood test results?
Emma writes down her score on her paper. Marion throws the dice.
EMMA
Yes, I have.
Marion pauses and looks at Emma, slightly annoyed.
MARION
Why didn’t you tell me? What does it say?
EMMA
Nothing.
MARION
It must say something Em. Can I see it?
EMMA
It’s fine, everything is normal.
Marion writes down her score. It’s Emma’s turn.
MARION
So why did you faint?
EMMA
Like the nurse said I must have been low on sugar or something.
MARION
Can’t you just show me the paper?
Emma writes her score while Marion throws the dice and frowns, not happy with the results.
EMMA
I told you, there’s nothing to see.
MARION
Well, I still would like to see the paperwork!
EMMA
You don’t trust me?
MARION
Of course, I trust you!
EMMA
It doesn’t look like it.
Marion pauses and sighs. She softens a little.
MARION
I’m just worried about you.
EMMA
But you have nothing to worry about, I promise.
Emma grabs the dice and throws them. Marion writes her score on her paper.
MARION
How are things at school?
EMMA
Fine.
Marion scrutinises Emma.
MARION
You don’t tell me about your days anymore.
EMMA
There’s just not much to say.
Marion throws the dice.
MARION
Oh, I’m sure there is a lot to say. It’s just that you don’t want to talk to me anymore.
EMMA
Mum, please don’t start.
MARION
What?
Emma rolls her eyes and sighs.
MARION
Don’t roll your eyes at me.
EMMA
Can’t you just give me a break?
MARION
A break from what Emma?
EMMA
From you! And all your questions about my life, about boys and my sexuality. You always meddle in things that are none of your business. And you don’t realise how much you embarrass me!
Marion stares at Emma with a sad look as she processes what has been said. Marion withdraws into herself.
Emma realises that her words have been hurtful.
EMMA
I didn’t mean to…
MARION
You’ve made your point, Emma. I won’t interfere in your life anymore.
EMMA
Mum, I…
MARION
It’s your turn to play.
Emma reluctantly throws the dice, she has three identical dice. She puts them on the side and throws the two remaining dice. The two dice spin and reveal the same number as the three others.
Emma’s victory tastes bitter.
EMMA
Yam.
Marion gets up and leaves the room. Emma stays, staring at the five identical dice.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – LOCKERS – DAY
Julia closes her locker revealing Alex waiting behind it. Julia jumps.
JULIA
Fuck! You scared me.
Alex holds a lighter out to Julia.
ALEX
I believe it’s yours?
Julia takes the lighter, sceptical.
JULIA
Who returns a lighter?
ALEX
A thank you would have been nice.
JULIA
You’re weird.
Julia turns away and starts walking down the hall. Alex goes after her.
ALEX
You left pretty early Friday night.
JULIA
Did I?
ALEX
I’m still glad you came though.
Julia stops and looks at Alex in the eyes – which makes him slightly uncomfortable and he blushes. Julia notices.
JULIA
What do you want Alex?
ALEX
I have a proposal.
Julia raises an eyebrow, unsure of what he is about to propose.
JULIA
I’m listening.
ALEX
I heard Emma ditched Emilio this weekend. Do you know anything about it?
JULIA
There was an emergency. Why?
ALEX
Well, Emilio’s ego’s hurt.
JULIA
Like I care? Come on Alex, get to the point.
ALEX
We both know that Emilio and Emma like each other, right? So, my proposal is… a double date.
JULIA
A what?
ALEX
We go the four of us on a date. Emilio and Emma, you and me. We could go bowling?
Julia can’t suppress a laugh and quickly stops when she realises that he’s serious. She looks at him with a flirty smile.
JULIA
And why would I do that?
ALEX
Because you want to help your best friend to have another chance with Emilio?
Julia considers the idea for a few seconds – she does need to help Emma get laid. She bites her lips as she pictures herself going out with Alex. But she shakes her head – double dates are the worst.
JULIA
There’s no way I’m doing a double date. I’ll figure something else.
Julia walks and dumps Alex in the middle of the hall – sad that his plan didn’t work.
INT. HIGH SCHOOL – CAFETERIA – DAY
Emma and Julia walk towards a table, holding their trays full of food.
JULIA
Like we are going to see the play so why the hell do we need to read the script before? It doesn’t make any sense.
Emma is lost in her thoughts, she sits down in front of Julia. Julia clicks her fingers in front of Emma’s face.
JULIA
Hello? I’m talking to you.
Julia takes a bite of her bread and chews while looking impatiently at Emma.
EMMA
Have you ever been to a gynaecologist?
Julia shrugs and speaks with her mouth full.
JULIA
Yeah, why?
EMMA
I have to go see one.
Julia raises a questioning eyebrow.
EMMA
I don’t want to show my… to a stranger.
JULIA
Em, it’s a doctor? And gynaecologists don’t give a shit about your pussy. I mean they do but, only on a medical level. They must see probably more than a thousand pussies.
EMMA
Does it hurt?
JULIA
No, not really. It’s just not particularly pleasant. Why do you have to see one anyway?
EMMA
I need to change my pill.
Julia looks surprised.
JULIA
Why?
EMMA
I don’t know it’s something about cholesterol.
Julia nods as she bites into her bread again. They eat in silence, each immersed in their thoughts for a while.
JULIA
Alex came to bring me back my lighter.
Emma smiles at Julia.
JULIA
That was just an excuse to talk to me.
EMMA
Did he ask you out?
Julia shrugs and grunts. Emma impatiently stares at Julia.
JULIA
He asked me to go on a double date with you and Emilio. Like he tried to bribe me by saying that I could see this as an opportunity to help you fix things up with Emilio. Pathetic, right?
Emma had stopped eating, looking at Julia with a disappointed look. Julia notices it and frowns.
JULIA
Don’t… no… Em. Don’t start looking at me with your puppy eyes.
EMMA
Is it such a bad idea though?
JULIA
Humm… Let me think… Yes.
EMMA
It’s not such a crazy idea. I had the same, remember?
JULIA
Emma, you were drunk. And even if I was drunk, I was still sober enough to know that double dates are lame.
EMMA
Why?
JULIA
Because a double date is the most cringiest thing! I don’t even do normal dates, so I don’t see why I would go on a double one.
EMMA
It’s because of you if I lost my chance with Emilio.
JULIA
I almost lost my leg remember!
Emma looks down at her plate, disappointed. Julia has suddenly lost her appetite. The two girls stay silent.
EMMA
Can I ask you something?
JULIA
Sure.
EMMA
You’d be ready to do anything to help me right? Just like I’m ready to do anything to help you.
JULIA
Of course.
EMMA
Like for example, helping to take out your best friend’s tampon.
Julia sighs, exasperated. Emma smiles, she hit a nerve. Julia lays down her weapons and reluctantly agrees to Emma’s request.
JULIA
Alright.
Emma claps her hands and squeals with joy.
Julia waits for Emma to calm down and looks at her with a perverse smile on her face.
JULIA
How do you feel about wearing shoes that have already seen a hundred people’s sweaty feet?
Emma frowns. She’s confused as she doesn’t understand what Julia is referring to.
