(C/W: cancer)
liverish
there’s nothing exciting on my ct
but he’s concerned about my liver –
and so am I
thirty years of pubs and parties
he wants to ultrasound it
lesion
a/c ices my exposed skin
his probe drawing
snail trails of ky jelly
on my abdomen
acoustic enhancement
his eyes fix
on the monitor
of grey ghosts
hypoechoic
i scan his poker face
he wants a second opinion
my mouth dries
he turns to my husband
? mets
(C/W: menstruation)
a medically induced menopause
from chemo
thank you breast cancer
i pass the oestrogen baton
to my teenage daughter,
who gives me receipts
of illogical arguments and backchat
blushes at the male gaze
she starts menstruating
…………………….gets the HPV jab
i stop menstruating
…………………….get refused HRT
she turns prismatic
i turn monochromic
she is in the first flush of womanhood
i desiccate hot flushes
punctuated with flash floods
she becomes visible
i become
Diminuendo
We walked and talked in circles,
on wind-washed September pavements.
After, you’d played Mozart’s unfinished
Fantasia in D Minor for piano
an infinite coda.
Then, we’d watched the juvenile swallows
on the telegraph wires
all jittery and twitchy.
Crotchets flying
all over the stave
…………arpeggios of cacophony.
How they all just disappeared
…………………………………………into the white
Diminuendo
Rest
